My Journey Home

My Life. Beautiful, Ugly, Unfiltered.


I have always thought of myself as a pretty trusting person.  One that gives people the benefit of the doubt in most circumstances. I’m honest, and I can be trusted, so the majority of people I associate with should be the same.

I’m not sure when it happened exactly, but I find myself becoming more cynical.  It’s not something I like, but I almost feel as if it’s necessary to protect myself and those I love.  Perhaps it was when I became a mother, and I realized that I don’t want to leave my child with just anyone...OK honestly,I have a list of less than 10 that I trust to leave her with, and I’m becoming more and more selective as the days go by.

It just seems that so many people these days are living these double lives– which I do not understand.  I for one barely have enough energy to live this one very busy life, which requires my full focus and attention.  I can’t imagine having a double life, for which I have to make up a completely separate personality, style, and script.  How tiring!  But so many people are doing it…probably someone  you know and are close to.

I’m not saying that to make you paranoid, I’m just pointing out that there is a fast and growing trend in our society where people feel they can’t be themselves, or they are doing things that they know they should not do, and are doing everything they can to hide them.   Whichever the reason, these are both seriously dangerous to relationships!

I do not claim to be a relationship expert by any means, but I will say this much.  If you know me, I can promise that you know the one, and the only, me.  I do not change behind closed doors.  I am who I am, and you can love it or leave it.  I don’t say that with arrogance but with all humility.  I am just not into people pleasing anymore.  I am happy if you like me, and though I will be upset if you don’t like me, it will not change who I am. I love everyone, but I do not trust everyone.  I can’t afford to.   I have too much to lose.

Astaire's Newborn Photo Session September 2009



I’d really love to hear from my readers on this issue… your feedback is so important to me, and comments are more than welcomed here! Please! Let’s build a community of discussion!


Also, coming soon to the blog- Guest Writers! If you have something you want to say, email me


One response to “Trust.

  1. Heather January 10, 2011 at 11:42 am

    This is what ended my marriage of 7 years. My soon to be ex-husband was one person at home with me and the kids, and a totally different person around his family and at church. I just decided not to live like that anymore, fighting and being cussed at and demeaned all Sunday morning (and every other day) until 10:30 when we walked into the church to put on the big show, or saw one of his family members or friends, to whom he looked like #1 Dad and the best husband ever. It has affected my belief system, and I trust VERY VERY few people, and those people earned trust before they got it. I’m very guarded, and cynical now, and probably a little bit bitter. Not to everyone, but all my naivete and my willingness to make close friends out of acquaintances is gone.

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