My Life. Beautiful, Ugly, Unfiltered.
though the road may wind
April 26, 2011Posted by on
Today marks the start of yet another new journey for me. Today I visited the neurologist for the fourth time in the past few months, after making what seemed like an impossible decision– one that is not the perfect choice, but is the best choice for our family, and one that definitely requires us to trust in God like never before.
Since I was a young lady I have had a very pesky health issue that seems to play hide and seek in my brain. It’s called Juvenille Myoclonic Epilepsy. Over the past years, I have had it, not had it, had it again, only to have yet another clear EEG and going off of my medicine a year before getting pregnant with Astaire. Without going into all the details, I will just say that about a week after having Astaire, it decided to show up again in the form of absence seizures– but only one week a month. My doctor put me on Topamax and things were fine until a few months ago when I started having breakthrough absence seizures even on the medicine. Which brings us to my latest trips to the neurologist.
He ordered another EEG- which I just knew would be clear, as I had it all figured out.
“I don’t even have epilepsy. Epilepsy doesn’t just appear, and reappear. This must be a hormonal issue that is causing these ‘blanking out’ things….this is not epilepsy”
He called me a week later with the news. It was JME- and the Topamax is not only ineffective in treating it, but is completely unsafe if I should get pregnant. He wanted to change my medicine to Lamictal. I wanted to not be on medicine when I get pregnant..which was supposed to be like….um…any day now please?
We had to make a decision. Without medicine I could be putting myself, an unborn child, my family, your family– at risk. What if I had a grand mal seizure while driving?
With medicine I risk having a child with spinal deformations or cleft palette. It is also recommended that I not breast feed, one of the things I am highly passionate about- as there is no human data as to the amount of Lamictal passed to the child through the mother’s milk.
The best of the two choices is to be on the medicine. We are not done having children. While I believe with my whole heart that God is my healer- I also believe that He gives us situations in life to build our faith. This is the situation that Josh and I have been given, and we have made a decision that is going to cause us to have to stretch our faith like never before. We have no other choice than to trust in Him. He’s the Author and the Finisher of our Faith. Though the road my wind, He is daily ordering our steps.
Today I start the 13 week journey of weaning off of one medicine and onto the other….and then I pray a new journey will begin….(a baby journey!)