My Journey Home

My Life. Beautiful, Ugly, Unfiltered.

though the road may wind

Today marks the start of yet another new journey for me.  Today I visited the neurologist for the fourth time in the past few months, after making what seemed like an impossible decision– one that is not the perfect choice, but is the best choice for our family, and one that definitely requires us to trust in God like never before.

Since I was a young lady I have had a very pesky health issue that seems to play hide and seek in my brain.  It’s called Juvenille Myoclonic Epilepsy.  Over the past years, I have had it, not had it, had it again, only to have yet another clear EEG and going off of my medicine  a year before getting pregnant with Astaire.  Without going into all the details, I will just say that about a week after having Astaire, it decided to show up again in the form of absence seizures– but only one week a month.  My doctor put me on Topamax and things were fine until a few months ago when I started having breakthrough absence seizures even on the medicine.  Which brings us to my latest trips to the neurologist.

He ordered another EEG- which I just knew would be clear, as I had it all figured out.

“I don’t even have epilepsy.  Epilepsy doesn’t just appear, and reappear.  This must be a hormonal issue that is causing these ‘blanking out’ things….this is not epilepsy”


He called me a week later with the news.  It was JME- and the Topamax is not only ineffective in treating it, but is completely unsafe if I should get pregnant.  He wanted to change my medicine to Lamictal.  I wanted to not be on medicine when I get pregnant..which was supposed to be like….um…any day now please?


We had to make a decision.  Without medicine I could be putting myself, an unborn child, my family, your family– at risk. What if I had a grand mal seizure while driving?

With medicine I risk having a child with spinal deformations or cleft palette.  It is also recommended that I not breast feed, one of the things I am highly passionate about- as there is no human data as to the amount of Lamictal passed to the child through the mother’s milk.

The best of the two choices is to be on the medicine.  We are not done having children.  While I believe with my whole heart that God is my healer- I also believe that He gives us situations in life to build our faith.  This is the situation that Josh and I have been given, and we have made a decision that is going to cause us to have to stretch our faith like never before.  We have no other choice than to trust in Him.  He’s the Author and the Finisher of our Faith. Though the road my wind, He is daily ordering our steps.

Today I start the 13 week journey of weaning off of one medicine and onto the other….and then I pray a new journey will begin….(a baby journey!)


10 responses to “though the road may wind

  1. Haley April 26, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    Tayla- my prayers are with you and Josh. Bravo for facing this thing head-on. His strength is made perfect in our weakness…

  2. Brenda April 26, 2011 at 10:51 pm

    You and Josh are strong and will be able to handle any obstacle God places in your path.

  3. cheryl falank April 26, 2011 at 10:52 pm


    I love it! Doctors can only help and try to guide but it is God whom we put our trust in. I am going into the medical field as you may know and it is situations like this that stir me for the better…
    Yes keep trusting God and don’t do anything that would harm you or the baby believe him 😉

    Trusting with you

  4. Lydia April 27, 2011 at 1:05 am

    I hate that you are going through this! However, it seems two me that hard things only require two things to get easier; a lot of prayer from you and people that care about you, and a lot of good food with those same people. This is the second half of that from me (I have already been praying for you). The first recipe was my grandma’s from the depression because it was cheap and easy to make. It’s also one of my favorite things to eat:

    Hobo Beans

    2 lbs. mild Italian sausage
    2 onions chopped
    2 green peppers chopped
    2 15 oz cans of pork and beans (gross, I know, but worth a try)
    1 15 oz can lima beans
    1 15 oz can kidney beans
    1 cup ketchup
    ¾ cup brown sugar (I use splenda because it gives a false sense of accomplishment)

    1. preheat oven to 350 degrees
    2. brown the sausage
    3. mix in the rest of the ingredients
    4. bake for one hour

    The second recipe is from that same grandma, but was not originally hers. She baked beautiful wedding cakes out of her kitchen as a second income for her family. A mother came and asked if she would bake her daughter’s wedding cake using a family recipe. This is that recipe (and my favorite cake).

    Carrot Cake

    4 eggs
    1 ¼ cup vegetable oil
    2 cups white sugar
    2 teaspoons vanilla extract
    2 cups all purpose flour
    2 teaspoons baking soda
    2 teaspoons baking powder
    ½ teaspoon salt
    2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
    3 cups grated carrots
    1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts
    1 cup coconut

    butter cream frosting

    ½ cup butter – softened
    8 oz. cream cheese softened
    4 cups confectioners sugar
    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
    1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts (optional)

    1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
    2. Grease and flour a 9 x 13 pan
    3. In a large bowl, beat together eggs, oil, white sugar, and vanilla. Then mix in flour baking soda, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon. Fold in coconut, nuts, and carrots. Pour into prepared pan.
    4. Bake for 40 to 50 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes then move to wire rack to cool completely.
    5. To make frosting: Combine butter cream cheese, confectioners sugar and vanilla. Beat until mixture is smooth and creamy. Stir in chopped nuts if you like. Frost the completely cooled cake.

  5. Kathy Hockenberry April 27, 2011 at 6:30 am

    We are praying for you Tayla! Love you lots!

  6. Susan Colbert April 27, 2011 at 7:47 am

    I will be praying for you. I have a sister who has epilepsy and she was on some pretty strong medication with all FOUR of her children. Everyday before she took the pills she would say a prayer of protection for the baby – and NOT ONE of them were born with any birth defects what so ever!
    I’m claiming a healthy, happy life for you and your family and that any children you have in the future will be absolutely perfect! God bless you sweetie…

  7. Tayla April 27, 2011 at 10:56 am

    Thank you all so much for you love, prayers and continued support! It means so much to me and our family!

  8. jess April 27, 2011 at 11:17 am

    It is just so amazing to me the faith that God can give us through what could be the scariest part of our lives. You know I will be in constant prayer for your family! Though I may not know exactly what you feel through this, I know what it is like to make decisions that doesn’t seem like is the “perfect answer”. You have such a strong faith from everything you have been through so far… I can’t even imagine what kind of faith you will have when this chapter is over! Love you!

  9. Melissa April 27, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    As a teenager filling my life with doing nothing except attempting to entertain myself with facebook (haha), I often come across all kinds of things! The other day I found the love, life, and babies blog and became a bit in love! 🙂 Then today I clicked on yours from her blog… & let me just say it is people like you two that truly keep me going! (I mean yeah, I have never met you & probably never will!), but reading about your life & faith in God gives me so much hope in life. Lately, I have just had a really heavy heart & somethings are starting to get to me! Today was a day that I just needed to come home from school needed to just think about things! I started listening to the CD of my youth group singing…. & then I came across your blog. So for the past AT LEAST thirty minutes I have been listening to worship songs and reading all of your blog posts! (haha, sorry for being creepy, I am really good at that! :)) You truly seems like an amazing woman with an amazing faith in GOD & you see him in everything you do! Some days I just need to be reminded that there are good people in this world!! & that I can look up to them & they can encuorage me to strive to love through GOD ALWAYS! I want you to know that if nothing else with this blog, you have touched my life today! You are in my prayers (& I truly mean that!) & I hope that everything works out for the best! Have a WONDERFUL evening! ♥

  10. Stephanie Nickel April 27, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    praying for you girl! God is faithful. period.

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