My Life. Beautiful, Ugly, Unfiltered.
May 18, 2011Posted by on
I feel guilty that I haven’t really blogged in quite a few days, but to be honest I’m a little overwhelmed with all that is going on in real life lately. Astaire seems to be “maturing” at a rapid rate and has gone full throttle this week into what I can only assume is the terrible twos. Granted she is only 20 months this week, but even as I’m typing now, she is refusing to go down for a nap and singing loudly over the monitor while banging on the walls of her room. She isn’t throwing a tantrum by any means…right now… but that has not been the case for the past few weeks. It seems like every day, something I do or don’t do throws her into a full blown rage of what can only be observed as frustration. She bangs her head off of walls, furniture and even the tile floor. If I try to console her or calm her down, it only makes matters worse.
I can only imagine what it must be like for her, constantly being told she’s a big girl, given choices, and then choices being taken away. Being told no 500 times a day. It has to be confusing. I’m sure that I am not always clear and concise and I know that I probably give her one direction and then change that direction mid thought half of the time. That would be frustrating to anyone- especially a toddler, who can’t verbalize everything yet. So I’m trying to be patient. trying, trying, trying.
At home we do well. It’s in public that I just cannot deal with a tantrum- It sends me spinning into frazzle mode, because I can feel all the other
mother’s women’s eyes piercing me in the back with judgment. I can tell that people judge me for trying to console her, and then judge me for sitting her on the floor of the garbage bag aisle for time-out: Right in the middle of Target. I can hear their thoughts “If that were my child, I’d……”
The truth is, that’s fine…because I’ve probably thought the same thing. But once you become a parent, you realize— you can parent them, and teach them and discipline them…and sometimes they just do things that are beyond your control. Sometimes, your son is just gonna bite that kid on the playground even though he knows better. One day, your daughter may scream and tell you off right in the middle of a dinner party because you told her she can’t go out with those friends….even though you have taught her to respect her parents.
The truth is, they are our children…not puppets. We can train them and teach them, but they are still human– they will still make mistakes. It’s how we respond to them when they make mistakes that matters, and will teach them even more.
I just pray I can continue to respond with love and patience, all the while remaining firm and setting my expectations. Children need boundaries, but they also need grace…. don’t we all?
“Don’t let sin keep ruling your lives. You are ruled by God’s grace and not by the Law. “- Romans 6:14